Oh my, I’m once again thoroughly dishonored to be counted among some of the worst Moms of the year. To be nominated for the infamous Worst Mom of the Year is truly shameful, and I had no idea I would be nominated twice! I wish I could thank someone else for contributing to this nomination, but the truth is that this award is all mine, and I earned it completely by myself. My previous WMA was earned because my oldest son fell (or jumped) out of his crib. Thankfully, that was also the year of OctoMom, so my nomination did not produce a win. If only Charlie Sheen were a Mom, I’m sure my awful Mommy-hood could fly under the radar. And so, I’ll just accept my award with a good dose of humility and shame and never speak of this moment again.
Oh, what’s that? What did I do to deserve such an incredible dishonor? Well, I was changing my 7 month old Bear on the changing table. I was allowing him to sit up while I closed the window and blinds, but kept my hands close to him should he totter. I turned around for (literally) five seconds to get his swaddle from his crib. I turned back around to see him falling from the changing table. My heart leapt out of my chest as I raced to catch him, but I got to him a split second too late. He fell onto hardwood floors. The saving grace is that our changing table is only waist height, and he landed on his side/shoulder. I scooped that little boy up as quickly as I could and am certain I was crying just as hard as he was.
So you see, it is beyond a shadow of a doubt that I deserve this award. I can only hope that the Tiger Mom publicly shames her child again. Oh wait, that would be wrong to hope for that. See? Worst. Mom. Ever.