I’ve been dreading that part of pregnancy I’ve always dreaded where people start poking my belly, inviting their hands to touch my belly, and offering me their thoughts on whether I’m getting a tummy or not. Granted…all these things have been done by Jr. High students, who may not have the filter or social graces of most adults…but I expect it’s only a precursor of things to come!
At least with Jr. High students, I can poke their bellies back and jokingly tell them my tummy isn’t public property….I’m not sure how that tactic will work with the adults. 🙂 I help teach this group of girls at Pinedale who are amazing and precious to me. I’ve been their co-leader since they were in 6th grade (they’re currently in the 8th grade), and will continue to be with them until they’re in the 12th grade. And then I plan on moving into their dorms with them when they go to college.
Though I am already dreading that day. They were top on my list of people I was excited to tell about our pregnancy. On Wednesday, we told them we had a surprise for them, but that they just needed to bring their digital cameras to church. We took them to Wal-Mart where we sent them on a scavenger hunt for all things baby (baby carrots, the movie “Gone Baby Gone,” baby food, baby spinach, pickles and ice cream, etc.). When they had all finished, I asked if they noticed a theme (to which they responded, “it was all baby stuff!”), then I asked if they knew why that was a theme (“someone’s pregnant!”), and then I asked if they had any ideas WHO was pregnant (“YOU are!!”).
I wasn’t quite sure how they’d react but the squeals and hugs proved that they were even more excited than I thought. Once we got back to the church, they of course tackled Shawn with enthusiasm. Since then, I’ve found that they’ve become quite protective of me…which I didn’t expect. If they see me drinking coffee, they make sure it’s decaf (which it always is). Despite my protests and assurances that I’m fine, they watch me get in and out of vans, climb stairs, etc., to make sure I don’t fall. They scrutinize any medicine that I take to make sure it’s safe for pregnant women, and anything else their precious 8th grade hearts can think of that they’ve heard pregnant women can/can’t do.
This weekend we took a bunch of our students to a Jr. High conference in Atlanta, GA where they sang, danced, worshipped, and hopefully grew to a better understanding of God and how He pursues them. These kinds of things are usually accompanied by a lack of sleep and a bit of stress, so I wasn’t sure how well I would do. Thankfully, I ended up getting more sleep than I thought I would, and God gave me the energy and strength to not just survive, but to enjoy myself. I was, however, glad to be back home with my naps and snacks!
It’s been awhile…
And I’m so sorry. Things with Worth the Wait have picked back up and I’m still being hit with the nausea stick, so I just haven’t had much time or energy to update. Overall, things are going well. The baby’s still growing, I’m still feeling evidence that my hormones are right where they should be, and we’re thrilled as ever to be having a baby.
That being said, I am still pretty sick. I’ve newly discovered a few things that make me gag…sun dried tomatoes and mushrooms for instance…and am doing my best to avoid those. Unfortunately, it seems to be primarily carbs, meat, and cheese that I crave (I’m thinking my body is wanting protein), while raw fruit, in any form, and many vegetables make me sick. It’s been hard to make sure I’m getting plenty of fruits and veggies in my diet, but I’m working on it. Fruit smoothies and frozen, plain veggies are what’s working for me right now.
I went through about a week long period of not being sure that I still wanted to be pregnant. I’ve heard that’s pretty common at this stage (maybe women tend to get frustrated with feeling so poorly for so long?), and I hope you don’t think I’m an awful woman/mom for vocalizing it. I mean, deep down, I was glad we’re pregnant, and thrilled to be having a baby, but I was having lingering thoughts of, “what the heck did we do? are we sure about this? this is HUGE!”
After a week of having these nagging feelings, I had a very vivid dream. I dreamt that I had just woken up from a dream, in our bed (I know that’s confusing, but it made the dream VERY realistic, because I thought I’d just woken up from a dream), and was bleeding. I had a worth the wait presentation that morning (which, I really did have a presentation the next morning), and was trying to figure out if I should cancel the presentation and go to the doctor or just work through the bleeding. Next thing I knew, there was a doctor in our bedroom, checking my cervix, and telling me that the baby was gone.
There was a woman standing next to me, and I looked at her, horrified, and asked her what that meant. “It means he took the baby out, sweetie, because it died. You don’t have a baby anymore.” In my dream, I actually went through the process of having to call people and tell them.That’s all I remember about the dream, but I woke up off and on for the next several hours, and every time I woke up, I just felt heavy…I thought for sure what had just happened was real and that I had miscarried. I was devastated….I was beyond devastated.I finally woke up about ten minutes before the alarm went off, and was awake enough to look around at my surroundings. I realized quickly that it was still the morning of the presentation. And then I quickly realized that I’d been dreaming. I even felt my stomach to assure myself that it was just a dream. And I was ELATED. I cannot even explain the absolute relief that washed over me. I lay in bed, tears in my eyes, thanking God for the life that He’d given us. I don’t think I’ll ever have thoughts of not wanting to be pregnant again. I honestly find myself amazed and grateful that God is knitting a child together in my womb. What an amazing privilege and responsibility it is.