things i never said before i had boys

You guys, guess what?! The garbage truck is here! Wanna go outside and see?

Please stop staring at me while I use the potty. That’s weird.

Rocks aren’t a snack, buddy.

No, you may not play the drums on the dog.

You’re doing a great job walking in my heels, buddy!

I’m sorry, but you can’t use my mascara. Or my blush. Please get out of my lip gloss.

Why don’t you use that sword like a baseball bat?

If you say, “toot” one more time, you’re going to time-out!

Hey, guess what Mommy found in her purse? I have six cars and three trains! Woo-hoo!

See, guys? Mommies can use a power drill, too.

If you’d quit poking at your bing bong, it wouldn’t hurt anymore.

I’m not sure playing the drums on your bing bong is going to work out well for you, kiddo.

…really, any sentence including the word, “bing bong” is not a sentence for which I ever had need pre-boys. Yeah, I’m kind of the luckiest.


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