THURSDAY, MARCH 5, 2009
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about J. Bug’s lack of weight gain and honestly, feeling pretty guilty. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice that he was “failing to thrive,” and I’m not quite sure how to tell if he’s struggling in the future. He’s a really active infant, and his activity level stayed constant throughout this whole thing. He wasn’t particularly lethargic or sleepy acting. He also rarely roots, so that’s never been a good indication either. Even weighing him every morning seems to only further confuse me. For instance, Bug weighed 12 lbs even yesterday. This morning – weighed at the same time, in the same kind of diaper – he weighed 11.4 lbs. Did he really lose over half a pound in a day?!
I didn’t know that my baby was hungry – starving. I made choices based on my best guesses of why he was fussing, and I was apparently often wrong. I’m struggling with second guessing all my choices now and am wondering when I’ll ever know Bug as it seems a mother should. I was reading the other day that I should be able to distinguish Bug’s cries by now. I have to be honest – I have NO idea what he needs by the sound of his cry. I can only guess based on the timing: if it’s about time to fall asleep, to eat, to play with another toy, etc. Obviously that’s not the most effective way to figure out his needs, since that was my method when he stopped gaining weight.
Anyway, I’m blessed that he’s basically a healthy kid, just a little frustrated at the moment with trying to figure out how exactly to tell when he’s hungry or when he’s just tired or gassy. Advice or insight would be thoroughly appreciated!
Please continue praying for Matt and Patrice. I just checked their blog this morning, and Jonah apparently took 4cc of milk! That was one of the primary things for which Patrice was asking prayers, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. So please pray that he’d continue to eat well and that God would protect his little body from infection.
SATURDAY, MARCH 7, 2009
I do have some pictures for you! Like most babies, Bug likes to look at himself in the mirror, so I wanted to snap some pictures of him doing just that. I’m not sure how well you can see our bed in the background, but you can be sure it’s unmade…so just ignore that.
TUESDAY, MARCH 10, 2000
a letter to bug
Tomorrow you will be four months old, which seems both so young and entirely too old at the same time. You are one amazing kid, sweet boy. You had a check up today, and as the doctor listed the developmental milestones you should have been hitting at this age, your Daddy and I couldn’t help but smile at each other. Most of them you’ve been doing for a couple of months now! You’ve gotten much more smiley in the past month, and it’s sweet to see you charm complete strangers with that dimple. You’ve also started to really recognize me and Daddy, and I’m proud to say that we can make you smile more than anyone. I have so many favorite memories of you from the past month, but I wanted to share a few specific ones.
– Daddy and I read to you every night as you’re winding down for bed. You had fallen asleep while Daddy was reading a bit of “Winnie The Pooh” to you. In the book, Winnie the Pooh was singing a song, so Daddy sung the song in his “Pooh” voice (which is spot on, by the way). Though you were fast asleep, you woke up a little when Daddy started singing, looked at him, and smiled your sweet smile. You melt my heart, bug.
-You’ve started reaching out for Coletrane as he passes by, which I love. Sometimes Cole walks on by, and sometimes he graces you with a kiss on the hand (or on the face if we’re not watching!). Your joy at those disgusting puppy kisses makes me smile every time.
-One time I was changing your diaper on the changing table and you were beyond fussy. I was doing everything I could to calm you down, but nothing seemed to be working. I was buttoning up your onesie when you grabbed ahold of my forearm and just stopped crying. I looked down at you and you just stared at me…as if you knew you were safe with me.
We’ve loved watching you grow and change in the past four months, sweetheart, and are excited to see how much more you do so. Though we suspected it even when I was pregnant with you, we’re seeing that you have a fiesty, determined personality. I expect this will make some of our time as your parents a challenge, but I also expect that God gave you that personality for a very specific purpose. We love you so much more than you know, and God loves you more fully and completely than we ever could.