a letter to m

My dearest M,

You’ve been in our home for a little over a month now, but it feels like you’ve been in my hearts forever. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that I loved you the moment you walked through our front door. I fell head over heels for your big brown eyes, your pudgy little arms, your toothy grin, and your sweet dance moves. You bring so much joy and sweetness to our family, my little one, and we are delightfully discovering who you are and how God made you.

Sweet girl, there’s so much I want you to know. There’s so much I want to say to you – words and truth that I want to take root deep down into your soul so that even if you have no memory of us in ten years, you know the truth of how precious you are down to your bones. I want you to know that you are lovely, and worthy of being loved. You were created by the King of Kings, and He adores you, my child. He knows every single hair on that beautiful head of yours [even the inexplicably long ones right underneath each ear], and He has seen every tear that you’ve cried.

Oh, sweet one. My sweet little girl who at the age of 18 months already knew how to wipe away her own tears. You may have felt scared and alone, but my love, you weren’t. Not for one moment has He left you. In your scariest moments, He was there.

I don’t know all of your story, kiddo. In fact, there are things you’ve been through and seen that I may never know.

This is something I do know.

Your case worker shared what they know of your story, and many aspects of it broke my heart. There was one detail however, that made me gasp. As our family neared the end of our home study process, I couldn’t get you off my mind. I was constantly thinking about you and praying short prayers for you throughout my day. There were two particular nights however, that I couldn’t sleep for the life of me. Those two nights I laid in bed and talked to God about you for a while, then quietly walked up to what would be your bedroom, and prayed some more. I prayed for your protection and safety, I prayed for trustworthy people in your life, I prayed for comfort and peace. There were moments when I didn’t even have the words to pray, I just cried, and I know the Holy Spirit was interceding on your behalf. I earnestly and desperately prayed for you in those wee hours.

I chalked those nights up to foster care being heavy on my mind, and while I’ve continued praying for you, didn’t think too much more about it. Then your case worker informed us that during those two nights you were experiencing the things that would ultimately bring you into foster care. I can only imagine how alone and scared you felt, but I so vehemently want you to know that you weren’t alone. He sees you. He saw you in those moments, my dear.

He saw you, and I know our great God wrapped His arms around you, protected you, and made sure authorities found you. His heart broke for your fear, and He woke me up to pray for you. He woke me up in the middle of the night to give me the great privilege of being your Mommy before I even met you. I didn’t know what you were going through, I didn’t even know your name at the time. I just knew that my heart was hurting for you, and I did the one thing [the most powerful thing] I could do – I asked my God to take care of you. I asked Him to let you feel His arms around you until I could hold you. I asked Him to wipe away your tears until I could gently wipe them from your cheek. I asked Him to gently comfort you and give you peace until the day that I could hold you against my chest and sing of His love for you.

My sweet girl, He loves you. He loves you madly, and He is moving heaven and earth to take care of you. I pray you find your worth in His love. I pray you can see that He has a plan for you. I don’t know yet what that plan is, but I know that He will take your story and transform it from a story of heartbreak to a story of redemption.

Every single day that we wake up with you in our home is a day for us to rejoice, and our hearts almost burst with how precious you are to us. You are dearly loved, little girl. By us, by our family, by our church family, and by the Creator of the universe. I love you, my sweet. I love you so much.

Love,

Mama

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